Author: Karen O'Connor

08/09/2021

How to spice up your sex life at any age

Psychosexual Alignment method and the Inner Vaginal Flush Technique

Ups and downs in our desire for and enjoyment of sex are all part of a woman’s life, it seems, and sexual problems are little understood – or openly discussed – by either gender.

Take erectile dysfunction, for example; yes, men can pop a little blue pill that can usually overcome that, but what if there are other, permanent and non-chemical, ways to overcome that?

When my guest this week, Jacquie Olliver, said she wanted to talk about ‘Psychosexual Alignment’ and ‘the Inner Vaginal Flush Technique’, I had zero clue what either of those things were but really keen to know.

Join us for this very frank look at sexual problems/dysfunctions and how most of them are actually quite easily overcome if [gasp] we just talk about them and find out what we need to do.

About Today’s Guest: Jacquie Olliver

Founder of the Psychosexual Alignment method, Creator of the Inner Vaginal Flush Technique, Published Author

Jacquie co-developed the Emotional Reset Technique™ which resolves emotional triggers. There is no sexual "malfunction" or emotional resistance issue which fazes her.

Jacqui Olliver renews relationships by solving mental, emotional and sexual issues for men, women and couples. 

Her unique views on sexual function, human psychology, and emotions are heralded as having the potential to change the universal perspective on health and relationships. Today we’re going to talk about sex – how misdirected thoughts and a lack of knowledge around intimacy can negatively affect a woman’s libido and the desire for both partners to connect.

Solve Your Sex Problems

Understand the real problem so you can start fixing it now.

25/08/2021

How to easily get rid of your menopause symptoms

What if all the menopause symptoms that most Western women experience are common, but they’re not normal? What if there’s a way to get rid of them?

When Cathy Carr found herself boated and overweight despite being a fitness instructor, she realised that she was actually a very fit sick person…

And that there are a lot of people who are the same.

As she hit peri-menopause, she also realised that there is a reason why so many women suffer so many menopausal symptoms but that there’s a very simple way to combat them.

Cathy now specialises in coaching, empowering, supporting & mentoring women who want to create a healthy, strong & vibrant female body, via a holistic approach.

How to Get rid of Your Menopause Symptoms with Cathy Carr
Click below to find out how you can best support yourself through menopause and beyond.
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Today's Guest: Cathy Carr

Holistic Nutrition, Movement & Lifestyle Coach, and Yoga, Breath Work, Meditation, ELDOA & Corrective Exercise Teacher

Cathy is a Holistic Nutrition, Movement & Lifestyle Coach and has been working in the health, wellness & fitness industry for over 27 years & has worked across 4 continents.

She is the co-director of Place of Chi with her husband and is the founder of Cathy Carr Coaching. Cathy walks her talk & lives by the principles of a holistic lifestyle.

Cathy is a mentor to fitness professionals and teaches yoga, breath work, meditation, ELDOA & Corrective Exercise.

She is a mum of 2 sons & her passion is empowering, supporting and coaching women in midlife who want to get their MOJO back – for life.

*This podcast does not constitute medical advice nor is it a training program or a recommendation. Please contact the guest for further information.

**The views, information, or opinions expressed during the podcast and on social media or the internet are solely those of the guests involved and do not necessarily represent those of Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood and its employees.

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18/08/2021

How to survive your midlife crisis

Why is it that as we hit midlife, all those little things that we’ve put up with for years suddenly become intolerable? Why is it that people in their late 50’s and earl 60’s are the fastest growing age group for divorce?

Midlife women are in a position that no women before has ever been in.

Before, women would feel that they needed a partner or a male in their life to support them, to support them financially. It was their responsibility to look after the man, their home, the grandchildren, etc.

But now, women are now stepping more into themselves as independent human beings. 

How to Survive Your Midlife Crisis with Dr Karen Phillip

Dr Karen Phillip is regarded as one of Australia’s prominent relationship and parenting authorities and is a leading Clinical Hypnotherapist.

Click below to find out how easy it can be to move your life forward.
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Today's Guest: Dr Karen Phillip

Counsellor in Family Therapies, Children, Grief, Loss, and Addictions, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Certified Virtual Gastric Band Practitioner, Naturopathic Nutritionist, Herbal Medicine Practitioner

The range of modalities Karen utilises in her therapy is broad. Her vast experience and education enables her to use a combination of a variety of treatments created for every individual client.

Some of her therapeutic work involves CBT, Solution Focused, Gestalt, EFT, Transactional Analysis (TA), plus much more. Karen teaches a variety of therapies to other Counsellors, Hypnotherapists and Psychotherapists.

By using a variety of specific therapies designed for each person enables transformation, growth and re-connection.

Karen has had extensive training allowing her to work with individuals, couples and corporate professionals to identify repetitive patterns of behaviour and to change psychological structures that promote personal growth and development.

She holds the title Life Consultant because of her credentials which include two Master Degrees, a Grad Dip in Counselling, seven Diplomas, is a Marriage Celebrant, a Family Mediator, Nutritionist, and a parenting and relationship authority.

Karen loves speaking to large and corporate groups entertaining them on a variety of topical and communication matters. She continues to appear on national television and radio discussing current matters, family and couple and issues.

*This podcast does not constitute medical advice nor is it a training program or a recommendation. Please contact the guest for further information.

**The views, information, or opinions expressed during the podcast and on social media or the internet are solely those of the guests involved and do not necessarily represent those of Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood and its employees.

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Liz Ward - Health Nutrition
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21/07/2021

The best way to support teens through emotional distress

Despite the fact that it seems like young people today have life easier and better than any generation before them, there is a growing incidence of youth depression, anxiety and suicide that we, as parents / grandparents / teachers / friends, are ill equipped to deal with.

It’s interesting that we’re taught how to deal with someone’s physical injuries, but dealing with someone’s emotional or mental injuries or illness isn’t something that’s considered much. You often hear news reporters say things like “one driver died, the other was uninjured”, no mention is made of the emotional impact that an accident has on the people involved.

Dr Stephen Spencer has dedicated his life to creating a CPR for emotional & mental trauma, particularly in young people. And teaching those around them what to do when their young people are struggling with life.*
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Today's Guest: Dr Stephen Spencer

Doctor of Psychology, Child & Adolescent Mental Health Nurse, Founder of Charity EquiEnergy Youth

Dr Stephen Spencer is a child and adolescent mental health nurse and has worked in acute mental health inpatient unit and emergency departments providing care for young people and families for over a decade.

He is also the co-founder of a charity and not-for-profit organisation EquiEnergy Youth. He and his team have a goal to build the capacity of

adults in the community to support young people through episodes of acute distress, and make an impact on mental health outcomes, inducing youth suicide.

EquiEnergy Youth’s Coach2Cope training programs for families and professionals are one of the ways Steve and his team are working towards this goal. In theses programs they coach adults the TAR3 psychological first aid framework, a method you can use in any situation, with any child to assist them in their time of distress.

Dr Spencer completed his PhD where his research focused on the best responses and interventions for supporting young people through episodes of psychological distress.

*NB This podcast does not constitute medical advice nor is it a training program or a recommendation. It’s simply an exploration, a sharing, a bringing together of different ideas, that gives you something to reflect on if you choose.

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14/07/2021

How To Manage Your Hormones, Health, and Happiness During Menopause

Why is it, when we reach menopause, all of a sudden the food we’ve eaten for the previous forty-odd years makes us feel bloated? One minute, we’re following a food plan that’s worked for us our whole lives and the next minute we’ve gained 10 pounds, we’re not sleeping and we feel like a beached whale. How does that happen?

Elizabeth Ward and her friend, fellow registered dietitian nutritionist Hillary Wright, spent their lives supporting women to feel and look their best.

Then suddenly, menopause hit and they realised that what had worked for them so far, didn’t work any more.

Liz and Hillary set out to find out not only why that happened, but also to try to work out which foods are good for you during and after menopause.

They published the results of their research in a book titled The Menopause Diet Plan, A Natural Guide to Managing Hormones, Health, and Happiness to demystify diet and exercise during the transition to menopause and afterwards.

If you want to know how to get the best from your body as you move through menopause and beyond, you need to listen to this. It’s a fascinating look at the impact of our changing hormones.

 
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Today's Guest: Elizabeth Ward

Registered Dietician, Nutritionist, Author and Speaker

Liz is a registered dietitian nutritionist in the Boston, MA area and co-author of The Menopause Diet Plan, A Natural Guide to Managing Hormones, Health, and Happiness.
 
She and her co-author, fellow registered dietitian nutritionist Hillary Wright, are passionate about helping women feel and look their best during the transition to menopause for the rest of their lives.
 
They write about what they know – both are post menopausal women who are experts in women’s health – and they blend science-based information with practical advice.

(By the way, my heartfelt thanks go out to Liz for her patience with me during this podcast! I was feeling pretty awful and had taken some cold and flu tablets to try to perk me up a bit. Unfortunately, they had the opposite effect because they promptly shut my brain down and I could hardly string a sentence together!)

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07/07/2021

How to go to bed feeling good about yourself

When life throws you a curveball, it tends not to stop at one; you tend to get a whole bag of curveballs coming at you at once. How do you deal with that? How do you stop yourself, breathe and remind yourself who you are and what’s important to you? I hadn’t intended to ask Terry Vincent those questions, but that was where we ended up (me, go off topic with a guest? When has that ever happened before?)

One of the truly best things about getting older is you begin to stop caring what other people think. Take Terri, for example. When she started out business coaching, there were rules about how a Business Coach should look, how they should dress, where they should work, how they should run their seminars. Terri tried fitting in for a few years and then decided to do things her own way.

And business boomed.

A few years later, she was a proven global facilitator at iLAB, a 7 or 15 day Entrepreneurial Accelerator program where she worked with entrepreneurs to do business differently. Instead of working in their businesses, she teaches them how to work on their business, but in a totally different way, teaching them how find their flow, discover their purpose, design their lives, and create global enterprises.

And they do this not in some grey-walled corporate seminar room but in Bali.

What I haven’t mentioned, because I didn’t want it to be the main headline, is that among the curveballs that Terri has been thrown is dealing with and coming to terms with having a daughter who’s an addict and all the fear, guilt, shame and worry that goes with that. With all that going on, how do you go to sleep at night and still feel that you’ve done okay?
Listen to the podcast and find out how this extraordinary woman purposefully creates her life. And why she does it.
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Today's Guest: Terri Vincent

Business Coach extraordinaire, Global iLab Facilitator, Corporate Trainer, Mentor and Speaker

As an expert talent profiler, I take great pleasure in providing clarity on who individuals authentically are and who they can be.
 
As a coach and mentor, I take entrepreneurs through a process of where they are now to their chosen future.
 
As a corporate trainer, I help organizations and their teams to do the same.

 As a proven global facilitator at iLAB, a 7 or 15 day Entrepreneurial Accelerator program in Bali and South Africa, I work with high level entrepreneurs to find their flow, discover their purpose, design their lives, and create global enterprises in an intensive, yet nurturing atmosphere.

 

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30/06/2021

How To Do Everything In Two Shakes Of A Lamb’s Tail

Meet Danielle Hawkins, a country vet who also runs a cattle & sheep farm with her husband, all while bringing up two kids and writing five best selling novels.

I’m a fairly avid reader and I’ve loved Danielle’s books, but when the most recent one – Two Shakes Of A Lamb’s Tail – came out, I decided to grab my fear of talking to some random stranger whose work I admired by the horns, wrestle it to the ground and get in touch with her.

I loved the James Herriot It Shouldn’t Happen To A Vet books when I was growing up and this latest book of Danielle’s was very much like that: a diary of a country vet containing all kinds of details about the vet’s life outside of work.

But the other thing that struck me was the amount of things the woman managed to get through in a single day! And how she managed her task list was really interesting.

Danielle was kind enough to talk to me about her life as a vet, a farmer, a mum and a writer and let me into all the little secrets of how she does things. This is a delightful conversation with a really lovely woman. And if you haven’t read her books, you need to. Scroll down the page to find out more about them!
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Today's Guest: Danielle Hawkins

Veterinary Surgeon, Farmer, Mother and Author of Five Best-Selling Books

Danielle Hawkins lives on a sheep and beef farm near Otorohanga with her husband and two children, and works part-time as a vet.

She is a keen gardener and conservationist, and she makes really good doughnuts.

She has written four novels, but her latest book, Two Shakes of a Lamb’s Tail, is a mostly-true diary of a year in her life. (Not entirely true; she didn’t want to have to leave the district.)

 

She can be found on Facebook at @DanielleHawkinsAuthor, where she posts seldom and grudgingly but is pretty good at replying to message.

(note from Karen: she IS good at replying to messages, she replied to mine!)

 

Connect with Danielle:

 

 WEBSITE:         https://www.mightyape.co.nz/product/the-pretty-delicious-cafe/25549353

 

FACEBOOK:      https://www.facebook.com/DanielleHawkinsAuthor

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23/06/2021

Why It’s So Difficult To Leave An Abusive Relationship

Part 2 of my conversation with Dr Erica Bowen. You can access Part 1 here.
 

All around the world, domestic violence rates have skyrocketed where ever there were lockdowns. For many of those women, they’ve lived with physical and verbal abuse for years. The question is: why do they stay? Why don’t they just leave? And what can we do for people who are in abusive relationships? How do we support them?

A friend of mine has been completely open and honest about how her relationship with her ex was verbally, and occasionally physically, abusive, discussing the impact that it had on her with her online followers. So, imagine my surprise when she announced that she was going to re-marry her ex.

I needed to get my head round this because to me, in no world was this okay. Why, after all the things she’s told us about what happened in their marriage, would she even consider getting back into a relationship with him? And she’s not the only one who does this, so how does this work?

Dr Erica Bowen has spent more than 20 years studying abusive relationships and working with victims of domestic violence. Here, she shares some of her wisdom as to why people stay in abusive relationships, why it’s so difficult to escape them and why society needs to change from the ground up if we’re to stop this from happening.
 
NOTE: This is Part 2 of the interview with Dr Bowen. You can access Part 1 here.
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Today's Guest: Dr Erica Bowen

Psychologist, Coach and Imagineer of The Hope-Makers

As a Registered Forensic and Coaching Psychologist, Hope-Makers are who I work with and provide services for. If you are a social entrepreneur, sole trader, run a small, limited company with a social purpose, or a charitable business, then I’m here for you. My mission is to help you increase your impact in the world but at the same time keep you sane, and help you protect yourself against burnout.

 

My professional journey began 20 years ago when I became an academic psychologist working in the field of family violence prevention. In the last 20 years I have created evidence-based interventions, provided consultancy to the English and Scottish governments on behaviour-change programmes, and led international, national, and local research programmes focusing on service development and evaluation.

In 2020, after a successful academic career I left my role as Professor to pursue my own business – The Hope-Makers. I am fuelled by a desire to make the world a better place and know that by supporting you to do the same we can achieve this together. Every element of The Hope-Makers is an expression of this mission.

Through Hope-Makers Coaching (CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW TO FIND OUT MORE) I bring together these strands of experience into innovative individual and small-group coaching programmes that are evidence-based and combine solution-focused, cognitive behavioural and havening** techniques.

The Hope-Makers Podcast shines a light on incredible stories of how overcoming personal challenges led purpose-driven professionals to connect with their deeper purpose and turn it into a business.

The Hope-Makers Forum is an exclusive membership community through which I provide peer support, coaching, networking and business master-mind opportunities on a monthly basis.

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16/06/2021

Why Women Stay In Abusive Relationships

Part 1 of my conversation with Dr Erica Bowen. Part 2 will be released next week.
 

All around the world, domestic violence rates have skyrocketed where ever there were lockdowns. For many of those women, they’ve lived with physical and verbal abuse for years. The question is: why do they stay? Why don’t they just leave? And what can we do for people who are in abusive relationships? How do we support them?

A friend of mine has been completely open and honest about how her relationship with her ex was verbally, and occasionally physically, abusive, discussing the impact that it had on her with her online followers. So, imagine my surprise when she announced that she was going to re-marry her ex.

I needed to get my head round this because to me, in no world was this okay. Why, after all the things she’s told us about what happened in their marriage, would she even consider getting back into a relationship with him? And she’s not the only one who does this, so how does this work?

Dr Erica Bowen has spent more than 20 years studying abusive relationships and working with victims of domestic violence. Here, she shares some of her wisdom as to why people stay in abusive relationships, why it’s so difficult to escape them and why society needs to change from the ground up if we’re to stop this from happening.
 
NOTE: This is Part 1 of the interview with Dr Bowen. Part 2 will be released next week.
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Today's Guest: Dr Erica Bowen

Psychologist, Coach and Imagineer of The Hope-Makers

As a Registered Forensic and Coaching Psychologist, Hope-Makers are who I work with and provide services for. If you are a social entrepreneur, sole trader, run a small, limited company with a social purpose, or a charitable business, then I’m here for you. My mission is to help you increase your impact in the world but at the same time keep you sane, and help you protect yourself against burnout.

 

My professional journey began 20 years ago when I became an academic psychologist working in the field of family violence prevention. In the last 20 years I have created evidence-based interventions, provided consultancy to the English and Scottish governments on behaviour-change programmes, and led international, national, and local research programmes focusing on service development and evaluation.

In 2020, after a successful academic career I left my role as Professor to pursue my own business – The Hope-Makers. I am fuelled by a desire to make the world a better place and know that by supporting you to do the same we can achieve this together. Every element of The Hope-Makers is an expression of this mission.

Through Hope-Makers Coaching (CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW TO FIND OUT MORE) I bring together these strands of experience into innovative individual and small-group coaching programmes that are evidence-based and combine solution-focused, cognitive behavioural and havening** techniques.

The Hope-Makers Podcast shines a light on incredible stories of how overcoming personal challenges led purpose-driven professionals to connect with their deeper purpose and turn it into a business.

The Hope-Makers Forum is an exclusive membership community through which I provide peer support, coaching, networking and business master-mind opportunities on a monthly basis.

Join the Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood Movement

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09/06/2021

What happens when your child gets a head injury

Back in 2015, my eldest daughter, Kira, was really into her horse riding. Training for 4-5 hours a day, she lived, breathed and existed all things horsey.

Then she was thrown from two different horses in the space of three weeks, each time landing on the same side of her head.

I’m from a horsey background and my own experience in this was, just have a couple of days rest then get back on the horse, you’ll be fine.

Only she didn’t get better.

The “couple of days rest” turned into a week, then two weeks, then several months, and still she showed little improvement. She couldn’t read, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t go on the computer or watch TV. She could hardly stand up half the time.

At the time, we all believed that her brain would heal itself. It was going to take some effort on Kira’s part, but if she put in the work, she should be fine.

It turns out that isn’t the case.

Lately, Kira’s come to the conclusion that the damage – particularly the damage to her memory – is permanent.

Find out:
  • Why Kira was sent home from emergency after a 3 minute exam with the doctor
  • The difficulties we faced in trying to convince doctors that she was actually sick
  • How brain injuries aren’t taken seriously or even believed
  • The ongoing problems caused by her injuries
  • The emotional impact of long term memory loss and being unable to join in when your family or friends are talking about an event because you have no memory of it
Just because you’ve not got your leg in plaster or your head wrapped in bandages, doesn’t mean you’re fine.
 
Concussions (Traumatic Brain Injuries) are a hidden injury, which makes them all the more serious.

 The first of the two “assisted dismounts”

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Today's Guest: Kira O'Connor

Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood

Kira O’Connor is a final year Photography Degree student, specialising in Fine Art Photography.

For as long as she can recall, Kira had a fascination and love for horses. At the age of 4, she began partaking in equine lessons, and before long found herself working towards her dream of competing at an Olympic level.

By the age of 9, Kira was already preparing for the day that she could dedicate every waking hour to her horse riding; and so began the journey of convincing her parents to let her attend an equine boarding school.

A year later, Kira found herself flying six hours to the other side of the country to attend New England Girls School.

For the next five years she was living her dream, living on an equine based campus and riding up to five hours per day on top of her studies.

On June 27th 2015, Kira was thrown from her favourite horse and the resulting head injury has – and will continue to be – a challenging road to recovery. However, since she was unable to either ride or attend school, Kira developed a passion for fine art photography.

Now in her third and final year of her Bachelor of Photography, Kira is currently in the process of creating a series discussing the realities of brain injuries and amnesia.

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02/06/2021

Why Midlife Women Are The Forgotten Generation

Part 2 of my conversation with Dr Wendy Sweet. You’ll find Part 1 – How To Avoid Weight Gain In Menopause here
 

 If you head over to any health and fitness guru, odds are the pictures you’ll see are of women in their 20’s or 30’s. The problem is, what works for women in that age group, not only doesn’t work for peri- or post-menopausal women, it is actually detrimental to their health and well-being and is a major cause of weight GAIN.

After a long and hugely successful career in the health & fitness industry, Wendy Sweet realised that little was known about the role of exercise and diet during the menopause transition. All of the information and practise was aimed at women in their twenties and no regard was given to the changing nature of a woman’s body as she ages.

After extensive research, including doing her Masters degree and then a PhD, she discovered the best exercises to support our body during & after menopause, the ONLY diet that prevents weight gain in this time and how we can avoid the insomnia that afflicts so many women.

Dr Wendy Sweet NEVER gives interviews, I was very fortunate to chat to her and get information that is usually only available to her paying clients. Click on the link below and find out about the incredible work this woman does.
NOTE: This is Part 2 of the interview with Dr Sweet. Listen to Part 1 here
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Today's Guest: Dr Wendy Sweet

Women’s Health Expert / Fitness Expert / Menopause Transformation Coach / Speaker / Author

For over 30 years I have been involved in New Zealand’s health and exercise industry. Although my original career was as an ICU nurse and I’m not practicing any more, I re-trained and pioneered the Personal Training industry in New Zealand.

Once I left this industry, I returned to education and not only was I lecturing in sport, exercise, nutrition and health physiology, but I was so interested in how to help people change their lifestyle behavior, that I undertook my master’s studies in this area.

Then I went on to do my doctoral studies in the Faculty of Health, Sports and Human Performance at Waikato University. My desire was to better understand how women perceived their ageing and the role of exercise in this during the menopause transition. I am so pleased that I did!

Because what I discovered was that our menopause transition, when we go into the final hormonal changes that herald in the end of our biological reproductive years, is the time to change our lifestyle in readiness for the next 20-30 years of living we still have to enjoy.

In a different hormonal environment, what we have done in the past to manage our health, energy and our weight, simply may not work any more. Not many health coaches and other professionals understand this, because there has been very little research on the menopause transition and lifestyle changes that we need to make to help us get ready for our future years.

When, through my women’s health research, I looked at many of the symptoms that women experience during menopause, I realised that this is the time of our lives that our health can begin to change and our menopause symptoms may become worse. This happened to me too.

Desperate to turn around my own health, weight and symptoms, I set out to untangle the menopause-mayhem jigsaw, so we didn’t need to rely on traditional hormone therapies that have been used in the past. Everything I discovered is now in two fabulous programmes called My Menopause Transformation.

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26/05/2021

How To Avoid Weight Gain In Menopause

The consensus of opinion is that once you go into peri-menopause, you’ll:
1) put on weight, and
2) probably not sleep for the next 10 years.
But what if that doesn’t need to be true.

After a long and hugely successful career in the health & fitness industry, Wendy Sweet realised that little was known about the role of exercise and diet during the menopause transition. All of the information and practise was aimed at women in their twenties and no regard was given to the changing nature of a woman’s body as she ages.

After extensive research, including doing her Masters degree and then a PhD, she discovered the best exercises to support our body during & after menopause, the ONLY diet that prevents weight gain in this time and how we can avoid the insomnia that afflicts so many women.

Dr Wendy Sweet NEVER gives interviews, I was very fortunate to chat to her and get information that is usually only available to her paying clients. Click on the link below and find out about the incredible work this woman does.
NOTE: This interview is in two parts. Parts 1 is available from 26/5/21, part 2 is available on 2/6/21
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Today's Guest: Dr Wendy Sweet

Women’s Health Expert / Fitness Expert / Menopause Transformation Coach / Speaker / Author

For over 30 years I have been involved in New Zealand’s health and exercise industry. Although my original career was as an ICU nurse and I’m not practicing any more, I re-trained and pioneered the Personal Training industry in New Zealand.

Once I left this industry, I returned to education and not only was I lecturing in sport, exercise, nutrition and health physiology, but I was so interested in how to help people change their lifestyle behavior, that I undertook my master’s studies in this area.

Then I went on to do my doctoral studies in the Faculty of Health, Sports and Human Performance at Waikato University. My desire was to better understand how women perceived their ageing and the role of exercise in this during the menopause transition. I am so pleased that I did!

Because what I discovered was that our menopause transition, when we go into the final hormonal changes that herald in the end of our biological reproductive years, is the time to change our lifestyle in readiness for the next 20-30 years of living we still have to enjoy.

In a different hormonal environment, what we have done in the past to manage our health, energy and our weight, simply may not work any more. Not many health coaches and other professionals understand this, because there has been very little research on the menopause transition and lifestyle changes that we need to make to help us get ready for our future years.

When, through my women’s health research, I looked at many of the symptoms that women experience during menopause, I realised that this is the time of our lives that our health can begin to change and our menopause symptoms may become worse. This happened to me too.

Desperate to turn around my own health, weight and symptoms, I set out to untangle the menopause-mayhem jigsaw, so we didn’t need to rely on traditional hormone therapies that have been used in the past. Everything I discovered is now in two fabulous programmes called My Menopause Transformation.

Join the Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood Movement

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19/05/2021

Why You Need To Be A Parent Not A Friend

I had a brainwave: wouldn’t it be cool to ask my kids what they thought of my parenting style and how it’s affected them, what did and didn’t work, what they’d change, what they’ll keep for when they become parents.

Then I realised what I might be opening myself up for and had a full-on meltdown: this was a thoroughly stupid idea.
 
But I sucked it up and got on with it, mainly because I was curious to find out what they actually did think, and while I was totally hoping that they’d say, “No, you were awesome, Mum! I wouldn’t change a thing!”, there was also this macabre desire to find out where I went wrong and how I completely ruined my kids’ lives so I could beat myself up about it. 🤣
Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood
In this episode, I speak to Kira, my 20-year old eldest daughter, who shocked me by turning up armed with a full-on list of questions as to why I did certain things and why I rarely conformed with what her peers (and their parents) felt was “acceptable” parenting.
 

I also did an episode with my second son, Ryan, who asked how I coped with them as teenagers (listen here), and one with my eldest son, Jamie, about which child did I love the most (listen here).

Still on the topic of parenting, one of my most popular podcasts is Why Boys Need Rules (listen here)

NOTE: these are my opinions. They’re not the only ones and they’re not the truth, they’re just what worked for me.

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12/05/2021

How To Overcome The Guilt and Grief of Midlife

I don’t know about you, but by the time I reached my fifties, I was an absolute MASTER at feeling guilty and being sad about what I’d lost and would never have again (think: cuddles from a little child, the family all being together, pizza nights in front of the TV, school runs, that kind of thing)

(okay, maybe not the school runs).

It’s such a difficult trap to get out of, but it’s made MUCH easier when you recognise what’s happening. Like, for example, when you find yourself short tempered in the last few days of your child’s visit but that’s because you’re sad that their visit visit is nearly over and you’re going to miss them. Or the way you lie in bed every night with this vague and persistent feeling of regret, accompanied by thoughts about all the things you haven’t done or should have done throughout your entire life? What if that’s just your mind’s way of acknowledging that there’s such a grief about the fact that one major part of your life is over and until you acknowledge it, it’s going to hang around.

In this podcast, I go through the things that I’ve done (and hopefully you can do, if you’re inclined) to let go of the guilt and embrace the grief (yes, embracing it makes it disappear so much faster!).

Find out:

✨✨ How to start to recognise the different emotions that are reeling through your brain at any moment, and often at the same time

✨✨ How sharing our real selves  – authentically and fully – can change the way we experience life

✨✨ How we undervalue ourselves

✨✨ Working out what is it we really want from life

✨✨ Being honest about the things we’re really good at

✨✨ Acknowledging our talents and experience (something we, as middle-aged women, tend to be VERY bad at!)

✨✨(This is a controversial one ) Allowing ourselves the freedom to do things we enjoy and not do things we think we OUGHT to do

This is a hugely important podcast for all women to listen to!

By the way, the podcasts about my parenting style that I talk about can be accessed here:

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05/05/2021

How To Support Your Family When You’re Going Through Menopause

Menopause isn’t something that’s openly discussed… at least, not until it happens, and even then, only among close friends. Which means that it’s actually very difficult to find out anything about what to expect during peri-menopause & menopause until you’re right in the middle of it.

As far as the medical profession goes, the information available is either really vague or really generic: you may experience this, you might find that, this other thing could be a symptom of menopause, but we don’t know.

There’s very little concrete information about menopause because we all experience different things at different times: there’s no certainty about the age at which we’ll start menopause, we have no idea how long it  will last and no clue as to which possible symptoms will present and which ones we’re going to avoid.

Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood
But it’s absolutely crucial that we understand what’s happening and we prepare not just ourselves, but those around us.

 

Come and join me and Maurya Reider in conversation talking about what we experienced during menopause and how we dealt with it. Maurya has some amazing tips for supporting our loved ones.

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Today's Guest: Maurya Rieder

Wife, mother, IT Project Manager, avid personal growth devotee. 

Maurya Rieder, oldest of 4 kids, parent of two, American by nature, Australian by choice.

She loves to pursue growth type activities, including participating in Landmark Education’s programs for a number of years.

Reading personal growth books is one of her favourite pastimes.

Maurya has been in menopause for 3 years and is, on the whole, quite happy about that.

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28/04/2021

How To Avoid Becoming A Homeless Midlife Woman

According to the 2011 Census, there are over 5000 homeless women over the age of 55 in Australia, with single women being the most vulnerable group. In fact, Homelessness Australia suggests that being over the age of 45 and single, along with renting, significantly increases a woman’s risk of becoming homeless.

Gayle McKew’s mission in life is to help and support people in becoming financially independent, particularly at that time of life we’re all heading towards: retirement.

Moving from the family home and into a retirement home can be fraught with hidden financial dangers but the really big area of danger is midlife for women.

Through no fault of their own, a rapidly increasing number of women over 45 are finding themselves unable to rent somewhere to live, never mind buy a house, unable to get a job and unable to support themselves.

We probably all know a midlife woman who permanently house sits and couch surfs at other people’s places between gigs. Or someone who’s moved in with their family. But you probably didn’t think of them as homeless, and they’re fortunate enough to not have to live on the streets.

Come and find out more about this pretty horrifying topic and why it’s never too late to start planning for your retirement.
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Today's Guest: Gayle McKew

Strategic Financial Adviser / Age Care Specialist /Money Coach / Speaker / Author

As a financial professional Gayle brings more than 40 years of experience to financially empowering individuals to improve their relationship with money and increase their money confidence.

 
After discovering some friends had had their financial security destroyed, because of their circumstances rather than poor decision making, she realised how many people, especially women, were at risk of losing their security and hope for the future.

Having identified people were at risk because of poor financial awareness, she has been on a mission to improve financial skills, especially in women.

Her book, Women Mind Your Money is part of her project to improve financial literacy and skills and is focused on empowering women with knowledge & skills so they can thrive financially.

Her reasoning is…if you learn how to manage your personal financial situation you have opened the gateway to breaking free and owning your future. Helping people take financial control is part of why she does what she does.

She’s developing a program to help women build money confidence and skills. The beta program starts in early April 2021.

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21/04/2021

How To Get Everything You Want In Life

How did an Irish girl who was working in her family’s restaurant business end up building a highly successful Feng Shui business on the internet?
Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood
And when I say ‘highly successful’, some of the wins that Patricia Lohan’s clients have achieved include:
 

✨✨ TV appearances when they wanted to promote their business

✨✨ More money coming in than they ever dreamed possible in such a short space of time

✨✨ Unexpected opportunities in careers when they felt they needed a change, and of course…

✨✨ Finding the relationship of their dreams

We also debunk some of the myths about Feng Shui and how it works…
  • Why Feng Shui can be the best starting point when you want to make changes in your life
  • How Feng Shui works
  • What Feng Shui is
  • The fact that you don’t need to move house or knock down walls!)
  • Why putting some Feng Shui into practise in your life can be exactly what’s needed in midlife
Listen to the podcast and find out just how easy and simple it is to make huge changes in your life.
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Today's Guest: Patricia Lohan

Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood
 
Feng Shui Expert,  Speaker and Author. 
Patricia Lohan, is the creator of Feng Shui Mastery and Author of The Happy Home: A Guide To Creating A Happy, Healthy, Wealthy Life.
 
She helps entrepreneurs make their home & businesses magnetic to money, luck and blessings. She shows you what they don’t teach in business school, what lies between the lines, your top secret tool for success.

She is a Feng Shui expert, a healer and passionate female entrepreneur who has shaped her dream life living in Bali with her husband. Patricia has a gift at making Feng Shui simple, easy to understand and implement.

She has helped thousands of people across the globe embrace Feng Shui and create lasting changes in their businesses, homes and lives.  Patricia has seen first hand the power of the mind, surroundings and inner healing, clearing and aligning everything so it works holistically.

She loves entrepreneurship with 15 years of experience running and growing three successful start ups of her own.

Connect with Patricia on

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14/04/2021

How To Dress With Stylish French Flair

FRENCH WOMEN HAVE WHAT SEEMS LIKE AN EFFORTLESSLY ELEGANT WAY OF DRESSING THAT THE REST OF US SIMPLY DON’T POSSESS (I DON’T, ANYWAY)

Marie-Anne Lecoeur is an expert in French chic and style (as opposed to fashion) and helps thousands of women to identify their body shape and dress in a way that suits them. She also helps them to find their own stylish flair, something that most of us find very difficult to do.

I’ve known Marie-Anne for more than three years now. We speak on the phone several times a week. I knew all of the things that she does online but I didn’t know half of the things I found out about her personally during this interview!

🌟🌟 Marie-Anne quit her job at the age of 50 to follow her love of writing

🌟🌟 Within a few months, she had not one but TWO Amazon best selling books

🌟🌟 For the next six months, one or the other of her books was the best seller in its category

🌟🌟 Her videos have had more than 8.5 million views

Listen to the podcast and find out why Marie-Anne has made such a difference in so many women’s lives.
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Today's Guest: Marie-Anne LeCoeur

Best Selling Author,  member of the Federation of Image Professionals International and founder and CEO of MarieAnneLeCoeur.com

Born and raised in France, Marie-Anne found herself constantly surrounded by French Chic ladies.

​Inspired by the style and fashion conversations that would take place around her and her mother’s guidance,

Marie-Anne found herself enamored with all that is French Chic. She has learned to create her own style rooted from French Chic and encourages others to do the same.​

Marie-Anne genuinely wants the very best life for every woman that she impacts. She wants to empower them to discover their own true style so that they can make their own style decisions and take their confidence back.

Lecoeur literally means “ Heart” so it’s not a coincidence that she wears her heart on her sleeve and leads women to fall in love with their unique style journey.​

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07/04/2021

What Happens When You Think Anything Is Possible

One of the reasons that I started the podcast is to share people’s stories because I believe that we all have an amazing story to share, it’s just that most of the time, we just don’t think it’s anything special because it happened to us. This story is no exception. Here’s a woman who:

  • went from being stuck in a job to encouraging her husband to quit his job when she was pregnant with their fourth child,
  • created multi million dollars in real estate,
  • started & ran multiple businesses, most of them not successful until she realised what she was good at and what she wasn’t,
  • going through bankruptcy and losing everything,
  • starting again and rebuilding both her life and their business,
  • buying properties with no money down
  • living from the space of anything is possible

I have to say, this was by far the most difficult and confronting episode to do; I don’t like talking about myself. Yep, this one’s about me, my family and what we’ve done.

It took me MONTHS to record this so I have a lot of sympathy with my guests when they say they’re confronted about opening up in public!

Listen to the podcast and prepare to be amazed (just kidding!)

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31/03/2021

Do You Know What Happens When It’s Period, The End?

MENOPAUSE IS STILL SOMETHING THAT ISN’T OPENLY DISCUSSED AND, APART FROM THE UK (GO THE BRITS!), ISN’T SOMETHING THAT’S EVEN HINTED AT IN BIOLOGY OR SEX EDUCATION. SO LINDA CONDRILLO DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.

Eleven years is a loooong time in anyone’s books.

It’s how long Linda spent dealing with most of her peri- & post menopause symptoms.

It’s also – purely by coincidence, of course – the same length of time that it took her to research and write her book about menopause: Period. The End.

A journalist by profession, Linda puts a lot of thought and effort into her work, hoping to share knowledge and experiences to help other women – and their families – through this time of life that every woman goes through yet we know so little, and talk even less, about.

Linda Condrillo headshot - Linda Condrillo
Listen to this fascinating conversation with a woman who’s thoroughly lived her life.
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Today's Guest: Linda Condrillo

Author of Period. The End.
Linda Condrillo is a freelance writer and author of PERIOD. The End: Wit, Wisdom, and Practical Guidance for Women in Menopause–and Beyond — a lighthearted look at surviving and thriving the change of life.

Personal stories from peri to post menopausal women are shared in the book, as well as sage advice from experts in gynecology, sex therapy, osteoporosis, aromatherapy, professional organizing, nutrition, and more.

Linda has recently relocated to “Lower Slower Delaware” with her retired husband. She is a former Realtor who enjoys travel, photography, aromatherapy, swimming, volunteering, and finding the funny in any given situation.

In addition, Linda shares money saving tips on her Facebook page Frugalinda, where she shares “Everything you always wanted to know about frugality, but were afraid of sounding too cheap to ask.” Her penny-pinching tips have appeared in Woman’s Day Magazine, First for Women, CNN Money.com, SpareFoot.com, Wisebread.com, The Street.com, and GoBanking Rates.com.

She is the proud parent of two adult children and is also the Grandmother of two (best gig ever).

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23/03/2021

The Best Medicine To Prevent Mens’ Suicide

DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE AMONG MEN IS AT ITS HIGHEST RATE, BUT IT’S SOMETHING THAT STILL ISN’T TALKED ABOUT MUCH, PARTICULARLY BY THE MEN THEMSELVES. OFTEN, IT’S THE WOMEN IN THEIR LIVES WHO FORCE THEM TO ACT.

When Luke Heka and Lino Hola lost friends to suicide, they realised that there had been no warning, no signs that the men were feeling as hopeless as they were, it was something that was never discussed. So they decided to try to do something about it.

They started by taking a small group of men on a walk in the Gold Coast hinterland. The video captured on that day (you can watch it lower down this page) went viral and Luke and Lino suddenly found themselves inundated with requests to do more walks in more places.

What was interesting was that a large portion of the men were there because their partners insisted they went. Sometimes, the men didn’t even realise what was happening till they were dropped off at the meeting point.

The other ‘interesting’ thing was how many of those men had considered suicide, whether that was in the previous year, month, week, even that morning.

In less than two years, Men’s Medicine has exploded and now does work all round Australia and NZ, and also holds women’s and couples programs.

By the way, watch my face when Luke starts telling me about his drug addiction! It’s priceless!

This might be Men’s Medicine but it’s a silent killer. Listen to the story of the group and let’s start spreading the word about this. If you know someone who might be in need of this work, you can contact Luke below.

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Today's Guest: Luke Heka

from Men’s Medicine
Mens Medicine is a Men’s and Women’s Support and Empowerment movement that was created to help men and women through their challenges and empower them through to the best versions of themselves.

Mens Medicine is a Gold Coast based movement that travels throughout Australia and New Zealand to deliver a holistic approach to mental health and personal growth.

Committed to having their work reach as many people as possible, most of the guys donate their time to the charity, relying on their normal jobs to pay the bills.

Luke & Lino

Born in New Zealand and raised in country Queensland, Luke got involved with drugs in his teenaged years and, like many of his friends, ended up addicted to Ice, a crystal methamphetamine.

Finally realising that his life was rapidly going nowhere, he cleaned himself up, got into bodybuilding and healthy eating, and eventually, along with his friend, Lino Hola, started Men’s Medicine.

Luke talks about competing in a triathlon do raise money for the family of his friends’ little girl, Luna. You can find out more about that here:

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17/03/2021

How To Argue Less and Love More

IF WE’RE ANY KIND OF ALIVE (SORRY FOR THE JUDGEMENT!), WE’RE CONSTANTLY CHANGING AND GROWING… SO ARE THE PEOPLE AROUND US. WHICH MEANS THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM MUST ALSO CHANGE CONSTANTLY. HOW DO WE DO THAT? HOW DO WE SUCCESSFULLY RECREATE OUR RELATIONSHIPS ON AN ONGOING BASIS?

Not to brag (much), but I scored a bit of a coup here. Paul Sterling worked alongside Tony Robbins for 10 years including appearing on stage with him. Paul is a best selling author (actual best selling author not a pretend one) and pretty awesome relationship coach, and he agreed to come onto my podcast to explain to us – and show us – how to successfully navigate the treacherous waters of relationships.

This is an interview where the video is just as important as the audio because Paul shares some amazing graphics that he’s developed that map out  exactly how to create and recreate your relationships.

Come and find out about the amazing work that Paul does and get some insights into how you can move your relationships forward. Scroll down the page to connect with Paul and sign up for his FREE CLARITY SESSION to check out your relationship
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Today's Guest: Paul Sterling

 Argue Less, Love More
Paul Sterling is an international relationship and intimacy coach, a published author, a communication teacher and tantric educator. He coaches couples on communication, intimacy and sacred sexuality.

Paul has been interviewed on TV, radio stations (including Playboy radio) and by newspapers. He is the creator of Magical Relationship Method for turning your relationship and sex life around.

Paul didn’t start out to be an intimacy coach. The change came when his career was going strong, but his marriage fell apart and he went through a painful divorce followed by 3 failed engagements. He believed THERE HAD TO BE A BETTER WAY!

Hungry for that better way, Paul discovered Nonviolent Communication (NVC) along with Tantra and Sacred Sexuality. He recognized the power of these modalities to help couples transform their relationships and radically improve the amount of love, intimacy and understanding they experience on a daily basis.

His career has gone through several radical changes. The first 18 Years were spent as a commercial fisherman in Alaska. He transitioned into being a business consultant and communication coach to leaders.

For the last 15 years he has focused on teaching couples transform the quality of their relationship through he books, mp3s, teleseminars and workshops.

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10/03/2021

How to detox your life (and why it’s so important)

You probably think that the water you drink – and bathe in – and your coffee cup has an

impact on your health and well being. Of course, we all know we should minimise the number of coffees we drink and drink at least 8 glasses of water a day, but beyond that…?

Mandy Spooner felt the same way, too.

Till she got a filter for her shower.

And she discovered that take away coffee cups can’t be recycled!

Then she found a drinking water filter that actually left her feeling hydrated rather than bloated and with water  sloshing around her tummy when she’d drunk the recommended daily amount of water.

Find out what changed Mandy’s mind and transformed her life and head down the page to connect with Mandy and join her community so she can help you detox your life.
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Today's Guest: Mandy Spooner

I’m Mandy Spooner, a Wife, a Mother to two gorgeous boys and 2 busy dogs! I’m passionate about health, hydration, living a low tox life and contributing to an eco friendly planet. I live on the beautiful Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia.

Connect with Mandy:
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27/02/2021

How to deal with the online fakery

This has been a week of contrasts: some very high high points and some pretty awful points, too…
 
Actually, it wasn’t that they were awful, they were just huge, and a massive lesson for me.
 
If you know me at all, you’ll know that I’m all or nothing. I’m either in or I’m out, there’s rarely any sitting on the fence because I find it too painful and I tend to get splinters in my bum that are difficult to get out. So I generally make a decision and get on with it.
 
If I’m a friend, I’ll support you as you go through your life, building you up and giving you a pep talk when needed. But if you start coming out with rubbish, I’ll tolerate it for a short while and then I’ll call you on it.
 
It’s been an interesting experience, being online these past four or five years. I’ve listened to the people/coaches who’ve said “You’ve got some incredible talents and experiences, use them to teach others, show them how to be the best version of themselves, build a tribe, sell your time by coaching them!” I really didn’t enjoy it at all. I don’t have any formal qualifications, I don’t want a tribe of followers and I don’t want to be standing up on the internet preaching how to “live your best life” because god knows that I don’t know how to do that; I’m just trying my best the same as everyone else. In reality, I’m just making this stuff up as I go along, the same as the rest of us. It’s nice to share what’s happening and it’s nice to hear what other people’s experiences are but I’m not going to stand up there and say “this is how you do it” because I haven’t figured that out yet.
 
Someone suggested that I ought to teach people on the subject of money, how to change the way you think about it and how to get out of the rat race because we’ve done that. “Share your experiences, it’s so inspiring!” It might be inspiring but it doesn’t mean that I can teach other people how to do that stuff or that I want to. The inspirational story part is one of the reasons that I started the podcast: I realised that we’ve all got an amazing story to share. It doesn’t mean we should set up shop and start selling our opinions on how to do things to people.
 
I know, I know, I have imposter syndrome and I’m probably downplaying myself, but part of that is a reaction to all the people that I know personally who’ve done exactly that: set up shop selling their experiences in something when they have no formal qualifications and very little experience in it.
 
To be fair, some people are very, very good at what they do, qualifications or not. Most aren’t. I’ve had some great results coaching my friends and making a difference in their lives (thanks for listening, you guys!), but that doesn’t mean I should become a life coach.
 
To me, this whole thing seems fake, it’s all smoke and mirrors. It’s a pretence that because you’ve done something yourself, you can teach others to do it, or you can set up a company doing just that. If you already struggle a bit with Imposter Syndrome, imagine how it’s going to feel if you’ve built a business based on something you don’t believe yourself half the time or that you know isn’t actually true.
 
A classic example of the whole fakery on the internet, and particularly social media, is the “International Best Selling Author” claim . Thanks to Amazon, if you figure out a suitable niche category for your book and there’s nobody else in that category, you can sell five books and become an “International Best Selling Author”. The title means nothing these days. Now, some people genuinely can make that claim, my friend, Marie-Anne LeCoeur, is one of them. She’s sold thousands and thousands of books and is a genuine best selling author. Most people aren’t. I’ve been told by a coach to write a book, find a niche category on Amazon that doesn’t have many books in it and put your book in that. Pretty soon, you’ll be an International Number One Best Selling Author, you’ll be able to put the little gold Amazon sticker on your website and it’ll give you so much more credibility. There are whole courses on how to do this. It’s all fake.
 
It’s one of the reasons why, every now and then, I get off FakeBook and why I’m never on Instagram. Those gorgeous, effortless photos you see of the influencers looking amazing as they lie by the pool or rest their bodies elegantly against a rock on the beach? They’ve probably taken 40 or 50 photos before they got the one they liked and even then, they’ve put the photo through one of the apps to airbrush their skin, whiten their teeth, get rid of the cellulite and trim their waist and thighs. It’s fake.
 
I like real life. I like people who share themselves, their real selves, not the ones who constantly share that they’re #LivingTheirBestLife or #LoveMyLife or #Beautiful. Do you know that the top 30 hashtags on Instagram are along the lines of #InstaGood, #FollowMe and #Like4Like? I’m not even going to say anything about that.
 
There’s a lot more to come on what’s happened this week but this is part one. I’m quite sure that some people are waiting with a fair bit of trepidation as to what’s going to come out of my keyboard in the next few days/weeks. I mean, maybe they’re not, but, you know, I can dream if I want to. Let’s just leave it with there’s been a lot of #Fake in my week for now.

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02/01/2021

How to stop with the goal setting and get creative instead!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Is anyone in the space of “thank god that year is over”? I’m kind of not, but where I am at is, “Wow! How can so much change in ONE YEAR?”

2020 felt like a bit of a cathartic, transformational year for me:

  • I cleared out a lot of “friends”,
  • got much clearer on who I am… well, more like I became more at peace with who I am and allowed myself to be that a lot more, warts and all!
  • completely changed direction in my business,
  • discovered that I really like talking to people, recording it and putting it out to the world! Now that WAS a surprise. Maybe not to anyone else, but it was to me! 😂😂

I really hate planning and setting goals, so I never, ever bother with new years’ resolutions (or any kind of business planning, which drives my accountant absolutely insane!), but what I do enjoy is setting experiences: what do I want to experience in a particular area of life.

Now, let me say, while this way of doing things has its’ merits, it can also backfire beautifully if I’m not careful. I remember saying that I wanted excitement in my life at one stage. A few weeks later, we’d been on holiday, ended up in hospital after Keeley split open the back of her head, got pulled over by customs and spent several hours going through our luggage, Kira vomited into some glass revolving doors at a five star hotel, had a big argument with the front desk staff because they hadn’t booked adjoining rooms for us and the kids, had to cancel part of the holiday because our nanny broke her leg. And that was on holiday! Imagine what everyday life would be like if I kept “excitement” in my space permanently! Needless to say, I changed that one pretty quickly and got quite careful as to what experiences I asked for in my life! 😂😂

Having said that, you all know that my life is quite interesting and exciting at the best of times!

But for me, taking on experiences rather than goals works so much better and it leaves a lot more room for things to work out (which they always do because, as everyone knows 😜, I always land on my feet!).

So, if I break my life down into the areas that are important to me and look at what I want to experience, this is what I end up with:

  • Marriage – Intimacy and fun
  • Family & friends – fun, love & laughter
  • Physical health – High energy lightness
  • Spirituality/personal growth – intriguing exploration
  • Business – acknowledgment and creativity
  • Money – ease & flow with playful fun

Overall, this year there’s a feeling of fun, flow and massive expansion mixed in with heaps of love and laughter. I like fun, love and laughter… I can see that “massive expansion” coming back to haunt me, mind, but that’s never stopped me before!

So, what about you? If you chucked out the goals (if you ever do any!) and just thought about what you want to experience this year, what would it be?

Happy new year to you all! Wishing you good health, great wealth, success and happiness, mixed in with a lot of fun, love and laughter!

XXX

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08/07/2020

How To Spot A Self Centred, Egotistical, Narcissist

THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF AND BEING A SELF-CENTRED, EGOTISTICAL, NARCISSIST

Wheeeewwww, no holds barred on that title, then?
 
Let’s go back almost four years. I started working with someone who is all about “being true to yourself”, “follow your own path”, and “if people don’t like it, that doesn’t mean anything about you, it means something about them, so ignore it”.
 
I needed to hear that. I needed permission to believe in myself and do what I thought was right. It was so good to be in among people who believed that they had a right to speak up about whatever they felt the need to and do what they felt was right to them.
 
But there was always something that didn’t feel right about it all, I felt a little icky, and I put it down to having suppressed my own desires and feelings for so long after being a stay-at-home mum for a decade or so.
 
The thing I’ve come to realise lately is that I am actually really clear about what’s acceptable to me and what’s not, and how it occurs for me is:
 
WOULD I ACCEPT THAT BEHAVIOUR FROM MY CHILDREN?
 
IF NOT, WHY NOT?
 
Once I look at from that perspective, it’s much easier (though it may take me a little while to work my way through it! I need a child to discuss it with!).
 
Like I’ve said on any number of occasions, I am all for doing what’s right for you and following your own path.
 
HOWEVER,
 
We all live in the world together and I believe that the best basic rule for life is to treat others as you like to be treated.
 
If your behaviour has a negative impact on someone else, DON’T DO IT.
 
This isn’t about what someone would make your behaviour mean or anything like that, it’s more along the lines of don’t steal from someone, don’t cause actual pain to someone, don’t do something that you wouldn’t like to be on the receiving end of yourself.
 
Follow your own path, but do it with respect, for yourself and others.
 
Don’t mock others or make them wrong for the path they’re on.
 
Follow your path with kindness and compassion, being true to your own values.
 
You don’t need to yell “F@#% you, I’m doing it my way! And if you don’t like it, I don’t want you in my tribe anyway” at every opportunity,
 
Or tell everyone how amazing you are for doing that and how you don’t care what other people think because they’re obviously intimidated by you.
 
That’s childish and immature, and smacks of playground politics.
 
It’s a teenager who hasn’t yet truly found out who they are.
 
Because once you do find out who you are and you do feel comfortable with yourself, there is NO NEED to call anyone else out for where they’re at (she says, calling people out for their bad behaviour! 😂😂🤷‍♀️).
 
I know any number of people who have an online business where they shout about how they’re going to be themselves regardless of what anyone else thinks and encourage their followers to do the same thing (there’s such an oxymoron in that statement!).
 
I also know any number of those same people, the really loud ones, are very, VERY different in person and are also clear that they have a persona, a character, that they bring out for their online business…
 
But hold on, isn’t their business is based upon teaching people how to be themselves? When they’re a different person offline to what they are online? There’s a little bit of hypocrisy going on here, methinks.
 
They’re not actors or comedians or radio presenters who have created a persona for the entertainment of their audiences.
 
These are people who are preaching about something that they don’t actually practise themselves. Not fully, anyway.
 
Being yourself doesn’t mean you shout “SCREW YOU!” every five minutes to someone who’s trying to contribute to you. Most of us got over that in the 70’s with the Sex Pistols. Been there, done that, and grew out of it, sorry.
 
Shouting “Screw you, I’m going to do it my way!” is basically a tantrum.
 
I wouldn’t accept that behaviour from my kids because it’s not in alignment with their core values, it’s as simple as that.
 
You can be yourself without shouting about it from the rooftops, and telling everyone how cool and different you are.
 
That’s narcissistic and egotistical.
 
It’s pure attention-seeking behaviour.
 
And there is nothing unique or individual about it: teenagers have been doing exactly that for thousands of years.
 
I’m sure there’s more coming about this topic because I’m not quite clear yet! 😂😂 But I’ll leave it there for now.
 
What are your thoughts? Is this one of the things that keeps you from sharing online or makes you feel uncomfortable? What do you think about this whole individuality/follow your own path thing? Let me know 😘💕
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07/07/2020

What To Do When People Spew Hate Filled Rhetoric

I’M REALLY UPSET

 
Well, more disappointed, maybe a little heartbroken. I’ve certainly had any illusions that I may have held shattered.
 
The posts I put up yesterday about people posting half truths and lies came off the back of the actions of a particular person, one whom I admire and who’s done a lot for me personally.
 
Which is why I initially unfollowed and didn’t unfriend them.
 
I am so grateful for everything they’ve done for me and it takes a lot for me to turn away from / against someone because I’m basically a very loyal person.
 
I’m also a firm believer in live & let live. If you want to hold some religious or political views that I find completely weird, that’s your choice. I’m not you, I have no right to tell you what’s right for you.
 
If you ask my opinion, I’ll give it, but it will be something along the lines of “do what you feel is best for you right now. As long as it’s not causing anyone else any harm then trust your instincts.”
 
What you choose to do may be completely out of alignment with me and, if so, we’d probably naturally drift apart, but that’s your path (and mine).
 
If you want to go down the conspiracy theory rabbit hole, that’s your choice: good for you, enjoy yourself.
 
If you want to change your religion and become a nun / monk: good on you, go for it.
 
If you want to join a political party and become an MP: excellent, glad you’ve found something you’re passionate about.
 
But the minute you start telling me what I can and can’t think,
 
The minute you start telling me how stupid / deranged / passive observer I am for not seeing what you can see,
 
The minute you start creating division and scare mongering…
 
…Is the minute I turn around and walk away.
 
I don’t want anyone in my life who thinks that bullying and coercing people into agreeing with them is okay.
 
I don’t want anyone in my life who is sowing hatred and bad mouthing people who can’t / won’t respond
 
And I particularly don’t like it when people bring GOD into the equation and use God as a tool for denouncing anyone who doesn’t agree with them.
 
For the people I know who have disappeared down the conspiracy theory / racist / political rabbit hole and are quietly getting on with their lives while trying to change things for the better as they see it,
 
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. You act with respect and love.
 
It’s the ones who are spewing their fear-filled rhetoric and inciting others to hatred that I have an issue with.
 
Thanks to one of my friends for helping me get clear on this. You know who you are. 😘💖
 

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04/07/2020

What To Do When You Don’t Fit In

I’ve rarely admitted this outside of my close family and friends because the whole world LOVES Oprah and they get pretty rabid when I say there’s just something about her that I don’t like. II don’t know what it is, I just don’t like her.
 
And yes, I know I’m totally weird and maybe that has something to do with it.
 
Every time I say to myself, “oh, maybe I actually should just ignore all those icky feelings I get when I watch her and just like the woman like the rest of the world does”, something happens to stop me doing that, as it did yesterday.
 
And let me just say right here that I know how much of a difference the woman has made in the world and I applaud her for that. I just don’t like her on a personal level, that’s all; you know, when you get weird vibes about someone and you can’t put your finger on it? There’s no rhyme or reason, you just know that it wouldn’t go well if you tried to create any kind of relationship with them. It’s that feeling.
A few weeks ago, a friend put me onto a book called The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. Oprah credits this book as being pivotal in her life. She and Maya Angelou wrote forewords for the book (if you’re interested in reading it, head on over to the Book Shop on my website and buy it through there, earn me some brownie points and maybe 5c from Amazon 😁) and it is indeed groundbreaking.
 
Unfortunately, I also find the book as boring as reading Eckhart Tolle. Amazing guy, really mind blowing things to say, sends me to sleep in about 5 minutes when I’m reading his stuff (and less when I’m listening to him talking (Eckhart, that is. Haven’t listened to Gary Zukav yet)).
 
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John, however, has found his new guru. He LOVES the book (I got it in Audible for him, which you can also get through the Book Shop on my website and you might even earn me 10c if you buy that one 😁) and he also loves quoting bits of it to me, which is great because it saves me reading it myself. 😊
 
I was trying to explain to John yesterday how I’m finding that being calm and peaceful maybe isn’t for me – I feel like I’m flat lining – and John quoted something that he’d heard on Oprah’s podcast when she was talking to Gary Zukav.
 
You can tell from the tone of voice that this isn’t likely to go well for John, can’t you? 😂😂
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Gary Zukav was talking about this stay-at-home mother of three who had one child who was particularly challenging and constantly attention seeking. When this mother went to yell at her child, she should actually pause for a moment, seek guidance from her soul and allow love to flow through. If she did that, she wouldn’t yell at her child, she’d hold them, and deal with them only from a space of calm, peaceful love.
 
Hmm. Is that right?
A childless woman and a childless man telling a mother what’s she’s doing wrong and how she’s going against her soul when she yells at her children?
 
No judgement there, then. No sanctimony, either.
 
Also, let’s point out that there’s ZERO understanding and ZERO personal experience.
 
I’m doing a podcast about this because it’s something that I want to look at in depth. This kind of arms-length judgement does no one any good, least of all the people being judged.
Particularly not when it’s a judgement on something that people have dedicated their lives to, are constantly trying their best at and striving to achieve perfection, and who would who would happily throw themselves under the bus to save the people they’re caring for.
 

That’s not to say we’re all perfect and don’t need to learn anything, but the other thing that comes up for me here is, there’s no room for individuality: you do it a certain way or it’s wrong.

Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood
Any full-time parent will tell you that kids push them to a point where they lose their sh*t. Only then do the kids stop pushing.
I always, ALWAYS explained things to my kids, in depth and several times. Ryan said yesterday that I only started yelling when i) they hadn’t listened multiple times, ii) they’d continued to do something despite being asked not to, and iii) they knew they were doing something they shouldn’t. Or they were in danger; then I’d start yelling instantly.
What are your thoughts on this?
 
PS Images of Oprah and Gary Zukav courtesy of www.seatofthesoul.com and Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul Sessions

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19/06/2020

How To Cope When Your Child Suffers Permanent Brain Damage

I had a long conversation with Kira about her concussion the other day…
 
…if you don’t know, Kira was thrown from a horse and suffered a severe concussion 5 years ago that resulted in her missing 6 months of school in Year 10 and – I found out on Wednesday – with permanent brain damage. We (including the medical team) thought the damage was temporary; turns out not.
 
She decided last week that she wants to start talking about what’s happened, partly because people have idea about the reality of the impact of hitting your head, it’s seen as “a bit of a concussion”.
 
As case in point, the reports on that old man that got knocked to the floor in the protests in the US, constantly stated that “the man has a concussion but is in a stable condition”.
If he walks away without permanent – and probably quite debilitating – brain damage, I’ll be very surprised.
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Kira was constantly ridiculed by the other girls for not wanting to ride horses (she was at an equestrian based school and was riding 4 or 5 hours a day when the accident happened).
 
No one believed her when she said she couldn’t read.
 
Her Maths teacher told her that if Kira thought she was going to pull the wool over her eyes and get away with not doing the work, she had another think coming.
Her English teacher told her how “disappointed” she was with Kira’s lack of effort and low grades.
 
It took three months for me to convince doctors that the depression Kira was obviously suffering was a symptom, not a cause (I basically yelled at the GP till he gave me a referral to a specialist 😁).
 
When we took her to Emergency after the accident, Kira was sent straight home, with the advice to give her some paracetamol and let her rest for a few days and she’d be fine.
 
There are a lot of other things about her experiences with her concussion and the ongoing impact that I didn’t know till the other day. I’ve always had a chatty relationship with Kira but she apparently couldn’t communicate what was going on, and half the time she just forgot anyway.
You can listen to our conversation in the podcast next week. It’s a good one, even if it breaks my heart.
 
In the picture at the bottom of the page, the photo on the left was taken three weeks after her fall, the one on the right a year or so ago (photo courtesy of Rani Joensen).
 
This photo to the right was taken a few days before the accident.
 
Before this, I thought that unless you were in a major accident, a head injury was neither here nor there. I remember any number of times that I got back on my horse, whether I was feeling dizzy or nauseous or whatever (I spent the whole of my teenage years being chucked off a horse pretty much every day).
 
Maybe my poor performance at senior school wasn’t just about the fact that I hated studying! 😂
What are your thoughts on this? (the concussion, not my rubbish school results! 😜
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15/06/2020

What If You Are Really A Pretty Amazing Person

These are my musings, right? I could turn this into a long-winded lecture about how we could all start accepting ourselves as who we are, blah blah. I’m not gonna. Partly because I don’t like (i.e. can’t relate to) that whole airy-fairy, woo-woo, dippy hippy blah.

Last night, a friend commented that she’s always thought that she was a pretty amazing person. She didn’t say it in a braggy, puffed-up, self-important kind of way, it was just a statement of fact: she’s just always thought she was a pretty amazing person.

I was stunned. I found myself thinking, “What? You like who you are? Really? Wow!”

As she carried on talking, I found myself filled with admiration for her: what a fabulous thing to believe about yourself.

What would life look like if I believed that I was a pretty awesome person? How would I behave? What would I do differently?

The idea that I could like myself AND be a nice person (she’s amazing) had NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.

Don’t get me wrong, she doesn’t believe she’s perfect or that she has nothing to improve, it’s just that she’s basically already fabulous and she’s just building on that foundation.

It’s a pretty cool idea, and one that I think I’m going to try on.

Instead of coming home, like I did last night, and going over things in my head, wondering whether I’d overdressed, whether my make-up looked really crap (it’s a very long time since I wore any kind of heavy make-up and I’m seriously out of practice), wondering why I made a certain comment and beating myself up for giving a cup of tea to the wrong person…

Instead of doing all that, if I thought I was awesome, maybe I’d sleep a bit better at night.

Maybe I’d enjoy life a bit more and chill out, relax a bit, have some fun, stop being so uptight about stuff.

It sounds like a pretty attractive prospect to me.

I do think that it’s going to take a bit of practice for me to be able to say “I’m a pretty amazing person” without cringing / blushing / feeling stupid, though. Even the thought of saying it out loud makes me want to go and hide.

And let me say, I think a lot of the discomfort in this comes from being English: it’s just not the done thing to talk yourself up. It’s called ‘bragging’ and we don’t do that if we’re polite, decent people.

What are your thoughts on this? Let me know.

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