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A Masterclass in Losing Your Lunch Stylishly

I’m not talking about leaving your lunch behind when you head off for school or work here, I’m talking about vomiting. Puking. Barfing. Chundering. Praying to the Porcelain God. Regurgitating. Spewing. Upchucking. Throwing Up. Doing the technicolour yawn.

I have been blessed with a child who can do all of these things WITH STYLE. The girl has class. She can hit a moving target at three paces with a steady stream of highly toxic, foul smelling, stomach contents, the stench of which no washing machine or cleaning compound has ever been able to remove. This girl is a Master Hurler. Literally. She makes the kid in the exorcist look exactly like what she is: a kid. A mere novice in apprenticeship to renowned Masters of the High Art of Expelling One’s Lunch With Velocity.

I was under the happy illusion when Ryan was young that I knew all about projectile vomiting. As a very young baby, I’d have a Catching Cloth waiting as I sat him up. The optimum placement was about two feet away, directly opposite his face, ready to catch the excess contents of his stomach. I could never figure out whether he was just greedy and didn’t know when to stop eating or whether he actually had a problem swallowing his milk. He put on weight, he seemed happy, and even the barfing didn’t bother him, so I just left him.

When he was about two weeks old, I went into Monsoon to buy a dress for a works Christmas dinner that we were going to. Ryan was screaming as I tried the dress on in the shop, and, like a moron, I picked him up to comfort him. At which point he vomited down the back of the dress, completely removing the dye from the fabric where the puke touched it.

Needless to say, I had to buy the dress.

So, when Kira came along, a few smelly years later, I thought I knew all about baby puke. The boys had their fair share of tummy bugs, too, so even toddler and young child puking was old hat by then. Oh, the bliss of the ignorant.

Kira’s keen to remind me of the humiliation she suffered at my hands when she was sick one time at the age of about 8 or 9. We were in the car, having dropped the boys off at school. Kira wasn’t well but I couldn’t leave her at home by herself, so I popped her in the car in her nightie. As we were driving past chapel at school, in front of the senior school, Kira announced that she was going to be sick.

I was well used to the split second warning that kids give when they’re about to be sick. They seem to think it’s enough time for their parents to help stop them be sick or get them to a puke-safe space.

So, oblivious to the long line of parents in their cars behind me, I slammed on the brakes. I jumped out of the car and ran round to the passenger side, screaming, “Get out of the car! Now! Get out of the car!”

I all but dragged Kira from her car seat and just about managed the save my car from stinking of puke for the next three years anytime it got even slightly warm inside.

Since we live in Australia, that’s pretty much every day.

Poor Kira was standing there, in her nightie, vomiting her guts up in full view of the 600 or so boys heading in for their days’ education. They, of course, thought it was great viewing and yelled encouragement for Kira to see how far she could project the cascade of stomach contents.

As she got older, Kira decided that merely vomiting wasn’t enough, after all, anyone could vomit. So, Kira added another dimension to it: vomit and then pass out. She was at breakfast one day in the boarding house and told the boarding mother that she didn’t feel well.

Unaware of Kira’s propensity for stylish spewing, the boarding mother told Kira to finish her breakfast and then go to see Sister if she still didn’t feel well. Kira took another mouthful of breakfast and vomited all over the table, the other seven people and their breakfasts. Then she passed out.

It was the start of the following school year and the new art block was finished. Kira’s class had their first lesson in the new classrooms, but Kira wasn’t feeling too good. She put her hand up to tell the teacher, but the teacher just told her to go and see Sister after class.

Again, the bliss of the ignorant.

Unfortunately, the proud new occupier of a brand new classroom was about to find out exactly what happens when Kira says she “doesn’t feel well”. Not ten seconds later, Kira spews forth an “incredible amount” (the teachers’ words) of vomit. All over the new desks, chairs, floor, other students, the work that was on the desks, everyone’s shoes. Then she passed out, swooning off the chair onto the floor.

See what I mean? Style. The girl has style. I was called in to school to pick her up. Since she was still feeling very wobbly from the effort of all that vomiting and swooning, I pushed her to the car in a wheelchair. Mobile phones are great. By the end of the day, the stories whizzing round the kids had gone from “Kira’s sick” through “she fell over and hurt herself” to “Kira’s got a broken leg! I saw them wheel her past to the ambulance!”

The crowning glory in this foul, smelly story happened when she was about six years old. We landed in Sydney after a very nice family holiday including business class flights. For some reason known only to himself, John decided to put us all in a backpackers’ bus to take us to the five star hotel in Darling Harbour where we were staying. It was as hot as Hades outside and even hotter in the van.

There was no air con. We were in the rush hour traffic, stopping and starting and lurching around and we couldn’t open the windows because of the fumes from the other cars. I sat on the back seat with Kira, wishing all sorts of slow, painful deaths would rain down on the head of my idiot husband.

The longer the journey went on, the greener Kira got. I grabbed the sand toys and wedged the biggest bucket I could find between the poor child’s knees, all while telling my husband what I thought of his stupid idea.

As soon as we pulled up at the hotel, I jumped out of the van, telling the others to get Kira out and into the shade. I wanted to check in as quickly as I could and get her into a cool bath in a cool room. I was trying to hurry the reception staff along, explaining the situation to them, when a tap came on my shoulder.

“Mum!” Jamie said

“Not now! Give me a minute, I’m almost done.”

Jamie was insistent, “Mum! MUM! You really need to look!”

I sighed impatiently, wondering what the hell it was that John couldn’t handle this time. I turned to look on a scene indelibly etched into my memory forever.

This five star hotel had a huge, gorgeous, glass revolving door with brass fittings, lovingly kept clean and shiny at all times by the porters and concierge.

Kira had projectile vomited right into it.

There was puke from the bottom to the top of this beautifully maintained door. It was splattered over the glass surrounds. With every happy rotation of the door, more vomit was spraying its way both into and out of the hotel, covering the floor, several guests and the door staff.

Like I said, style.

Here are some more stories about my children for you to enjoy:

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Feng Shui Pin 1

60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share How did an Irish girl who was working in her family’s restaurant business end up building a highly successful Feng Shui business on the internet? And when I say ‘highly successful’, some of the wins that Patricia Lohan’s clients have achieved include:  ✨✨ TV appearances when they wanted to promote their business ✨✨ More money coming in than they ever dreamed possible in such a short space of time ✨✨ Unexpected opportunities in careers when they felt they needed a change, and of course… ✨✨ Finding the relationship of their dreams We also debunk some of the myths about Feng Shui and how it works… Why Feng Shui can be the best starting point when you want to make changes in your life How Feng Shui works What Feng Shui is The fact that you don’t need to move house or knock down walls!) Why putting some Feng Shui into practise in your life can be exactly what’s needed in midlife Listen to the podcast and find out just how easy and simple it is to make huge changes in your life. Today’s Guest: Patricia Lohan  Feng Shui Expert,  Speaker and Author. Patricia Lohan, is the creator of Feng Shui Mastery and Author of The Happy Home: A Guide To Creating A Happy, Healthy, Wealthy Life. She helps entrepreneurs make their home & businesses magnetic to money, luck and blessings. She shows you what they don’t teach in business school, what lies between the lines, your top secret tool for success. She is a Feng Shui expert, a healer and passionate female entrepreneur who has shaped her dream life living in Bali with her husband. Patricia has a gift at making Feng Shui simple, easy to understand and implement. She has helped thousands of people across the globe embrace Feng Shui and create lasting changes in their businesses, homes and lives.  Patricia has seen first hand the power of the mind, surroundings and inner healing, clearing and aligning everything so it works holistically. She loves entrepreneurship with 15 years of experience running and growing three successful start ups of her own. Connect with Patricia on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, website or click here to find out about her Feng Shui Masterclass. More fabulous podcasts and great articles 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share

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French style Pin 2(1)

60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share FRENCH WOMEN HAVE WHAT SEEMS LIKE AN EFFORTLESSLY ELEGANT WAY OF DRESSING THAT THE REST OF US SIMPLY DON’T POSSESS (I DON’T, ANYWAY) Marie-Anne Lecoeur is an expert in French chic and style (as opposed to fashion) and helps thousands of women to identify their body shape and dress in a way that suits them. She also helps them to find their own stylish flair, something that most of us find very difficult to do. I’ve known Marie-Anne for more than three years now. We speak on the phone several times a week. I knew all of the things that she does online but I didn’t know half of the things I found out about her personally during this interview! 🌟🌟 Marie-Anne quit her job at the age of 50 to follow her love of writing 🌟🌟 Within a few months, she had not one but TWO Amazon best selling books 🌟🌟 For the next six months, one or the other of her books was the best seller in its category 🌟🌟 Her videos have had more than 8.5 million views Listen to the podcast and find out why Marie-Anne has made such a difference in so many women’s lives. Today’s Guest: Marie-Anne LeCoeur Best Selling Author,  member of the Federation of Image Professionals International and founder and CEO of MarieAnneLeCoeur.com Born and raised in France, Marie-Anne found herself constantly surrounded by French Chic ladies. ​Inspired by the style and fashion conversations that would take place around her and her mother’s guidance, Marie-Anne found herself enamored with all that is French Chic. She has learned to create her own style rooted from French Chic and encourages others to do the same.​ Marie-Anne genuinely wants the very best life for every woman that she impacts. She wants to empower them to discover their own true style so that they can make their own style decisions and take their confidence back. Lecoeur literally means “ Heart” so it’s not a coincidence that she wears her heart on her sleeve and leads women to fall in love with their unique style journey.​ Connect with Marie-Anne: FACEBOOK:    https://www.facebook.com/marieannelecoeurauthorWEBSITE:        https://www.marieannelecoeur.com/YOUTUBE:       https://www.youtube.com/user/marieannelecoeurINSTAGRAM:  https://www.instagram.com/marieannelecoeur/ FIND OUT HOW TO FRENCH CHIC YOUR STYLE Click on the link below to discover how Marie-Anne can help you STYLE YOUR LIFE NOW More fabulous podcasts and great articles 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share

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Anything is possible Pin 1

60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share One of the reasons that I started the podcast is to share people’s stories because I believe that we all have an amazing story to share, it’s just that most of the time, we just don’t think it’s anything special because it happened to us. This story is no exception. Here’s a woman who: went from being stuck in a job to encouraging her husband to quit his job when she was pregnant with their fourth child, created multi million dollars in real estate, started & ran multiple businesses, most of them not successful until she realised what she was good at and what she wasn’t, going through bankruptcy and losing everything, starting again and rebuilding both her life and their business, buying properties with no money down living from the space of anything is possible I have to say, this was by far the most difficult and confronting episode to do; I don’t like talking about myself. Yep, this one’s about me, my family and what we’ve done. It took me MONTHS to record this so I have a lot of sympathy with my guests when they say they’re confronted about opening up in public! Listen to the podcast and prepare to be amazed (just kidding!) Click on the button to be the first to find out about new episodes! More fabulous podcasts and great articles 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share

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Menopause with Linda Condrillo Pin 1

60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share MENOPAUSE IS STILL SOMETHING THAT ISN’T OPENLY DISCUSSED AND, APART FROM THE UK (GO THE BRITS!), ISN’T SOMETHING THAT’S EVEN HINTED AT IN BIOLOGY OR SEX EDUCATION. SO LINDA CONDRILLO DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT. Eleven years is a loooong time in anyone’s books. It’s how long Linda spent dealing with most of her peri- & post menopause symptoms. It’s also – purely by coincidence, of course – the same length of time that it took her to research and write her book about menopause: Period. The End. A journalist by profession, Linda puts a lot of thought and effort into her work, hoping to share knowledge and experiences to help other women – and their families – through this time of life that every woman goes through yet we know so little, and talk even less, about. Listen to this fascinating conversation with a woman who’s thoroughly lived her life. Today’s Guest: Linda Condrillo Author of Period. The End.Linda Condrillo is a freelance writer and author of PERIOD. The End: Wit, Wisdom, and Practical Guidance for Women in Menopause–and Beyond — a lighthearted look at surviving and thriving the change of life. Personal stories from peri to post menopausal women are shared in the book, as well as sage advice from experts in gynecology, sex therapy, osteoporosis, aromatherapy, professional organizing, nutrition, and more. Linda has recently relocated to “Lower Slower Delaware” with her retired husband. She is a former Realtor who enjoys travel, photography, aromatherapy, swimming, volunteering, and finding the funny in any given situation. In addition, Linda shares money saving tips on her Facebook page Frugalinda, where she shares “Everything you always wanted to know about frugality, but were afraid of sounding too cheap to ask.” Her penny-pinching tips have appeared in Woman’s Day Magazine, First for Women, CNN Money.com, SpareFoot.com, Wisebread.com, The Street.com, and GoBanking Rates.com. She is the proud parent of two adult children and is also the Grandmother of two (best gig ever). Connect with Linda:TWITTER:           https://twitter.com/FrugaLindaFACEBOOK:      https://www.facebook.com/lindawritenow  Wit, Wisdom, and Practical Guidance for Women in Menopause–and Beyond A lighthearted look at surviving and thriving the change of life. Personal stories from peri to post menopausal women are shared in the book, as well as sage advice from experts in gynecology, sex therapy, osteoporosis, aromatherapy, professional organizing, nutrition, and more. Buy Now 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share

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Mens Medicine with Luke Heka Pin 2(1)

60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE AMONG MEN IS AT ITS HIGHEST RATE, BUT IT’S SOMETHING THAT STILL ISN’T TALKED ABOUT MUCH, PARTICULARLY BY THE MEN THEMSELVES. OFTEN, IT’S THE WOMEN IN THEIR LIVES WHO FORCE THEM TO ACT. When Luke Heka and Lino Hola lost friends to suicide, they realised that there had been no warning, no signs that the men were feeling as hopeless as they were, it was something that was never discussed. So they decided to try to do something about it. They started by taking a small group of men on a walk in the Gold Coast hinterland. The video captured on that day (you can watch it lower down this page) went viral and Luke and Lino suddenly found themselves inundated with requests to do more walks in more places. What was interesting was that a large portion of the men were there because their partners insisted they went. Sometimes, the men didn’t even realise what was happening till they were dropped off at the meeting point. The other ‘interesting’ thing was how many of those men had considered suicide, whether that was in the previous year, month, week, even that morning. In less than two years, Men’s Medicine has exploded and now does work all round Australia and NZ, and also holds women’s and couples programs. By the way, watch my face when Luke starts telling me about his drug addiction! It’s priceless! This might be Men’s Medicine but it’s a silent killer. Listen to the story of the group and let’s start spreading the word about this. If you know someone who might be in need of this work, you can contact Luke below. Today’s Guest: Luke Heka from Men’s MedicineMens Medicine is a Men’s and Women’s Support and Empowerment movement that was created to help men and women through their challenges and empower them through to the best versions of themselves. Mens Medicine is a Gold Coast based movement that travels throughout Australia and New Zealand to deliver a holistic approach to mental health and personal growth. Committed to having their work reach as many people as possible, most of the guys donate their time to the charity, relying on their normal jobs to pay the bills. Born in New Zealand and raised in country Queensland, Luke got involved with drugs in his teenaged years and, like many of his friends, ended up addicted to Ice, a crystal methamphetamine. Finally realising that his life was rapidly going nowhere, he cleaned himself up, got into bodybuilding and healthy eating, and eventually, along with his friend, Lino Hola, started Men’s Medicine. Luke talks about competing in a triathlon do raise money for the family of his friends’ little girl, Luna. You can find out more about that here: Connect with Mens Medicine: INSTAGRAM:        https://www.instagram.com/mens_medicine/FACEBOOK:      https://www.facebook.com/mensmedicineHQ/WEBSITE:           https://mensmedicine.info/ MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN SOMEONE’S LIFE Find out more about events that are on near you and how you – or your partner – can get involved Do It Now 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share

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Relationships with Paul Sterling Pin 1

60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share IF WE’RE ANY KIND OF ALIVE (SORRY FOR THE JUDGEMENT!), WE’RE CONSTANTLY CHANGING AND GROWING… SO ARE THE PEOPLE AROUND US. WHICH MEANS THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM MUST ALSO CHANGE CONSTANTLY. HOW DO WE DO THAT? HOW DO WE SUCCESSFULLY RECREATE OUR RELATIONSHIPS ON AN ONGOING BASIS? Not to brag (much), but I scored a bit of a coup here. Paul Sterling worked alongside Tony Robbins for 10 years including appearing on stage with him. Paul is a best selling author (actual best selling author not a pretend one) and pretty awesome relationship coach, and he agreed to come onto my podcast to explain to us – and show us – how to successfully navigate the treacherous waters of relationships. This is an interview where the video is just as important as the audio because Paul shares some amazing graphics that he’s developed that map out  exactly how to create and recreate your relationships. Come and find out about the amazing work that Paul does and get some insights into how you can move your relationships forward. Scroll down the page to connect with Paul and sign up for his FREE CLARITY SESSION to check out your relationship Today’s Guest: Paul Sterling  Argue Less, Love MorePaul Sterling is an international relationship and intimacy coach, a published author, a communication teacher and tantric educator. He coaches couples on communication, intimacy and sacred sexuality. Paul has been interviewed on TV, radio stations (including Playboy radio) and by newspapers. He is the creator of Magical Relationship Method for turning your relationship and sex life around. Paul didn’t start out to be an intimacy coach. The change came when his career was going strong, but his marriage fell apart and he went through a painful divorce followed by 3 failed engagements. He believed THERE HAD TO BE A BETTER WAY! Hungry for that better way, Paul discovered Nonviolent Communication (NVC) along with Tantra and Sacred Sexuality. He recognized the power of these modalities to help couples transform their relationships and radically improve the amount of love, intimacy and understanding they experience on a daily basis. His career has gone through several radical changes. The first 18 Years were spent as a commercial fisherman in Alaska. He transitioned into being a business consultant and communication coach to leaders. For the last 15 years he has focused on teaching couples transform the quality of their relationship through he books, mp3s, teleseminars and workshops. Connect with Paul: YOUTUBE:         https://www.youtube.com/user/tube2showFACEBOOK:      https://www.facebook.com/paul.sterling.35WEBSITE:           https://www.arguelesslovemore.net/ WANT TO ARGUE LESS AND LOVE MORE? Click here to go to the registration page for your FREE RELATIONSHIP CLARITY SESSION with Paul Do It Now 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share

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