I’m going out to a special event tonight: my friend’s 40th birthday bash. She’s a high profile online entrepreneur who likes to dress in designer gears and who spends a fortune on makeup at Chanel.

I don’t really do makeup. Mascara, yes, but that kind of doesn’t count as makeup. I keep trying to wear lip gloss to just plump things out, you know, but I can never remember to put the stuff on and when I do have it on, I do one of two things.

Either, I constantly pout and press my lips together, which I suspect makes me look like I’ve got a bad taste in my mouth, or else, in an effort not to keep constantly moving my lips, I go the opposite way: I hold them Dead. Still. To the point where my mouth looks as though rigor mortis has set in.

When I first started working with my friend three years ago, I realised that I was going to have to do videos and livestreams (lol, like I’ve done so many of them, right?). My friend is always perfectly  coiffed and made up and, at the time, she was getting heaps of flack for not doing her makeup “right” (according to some watchers who subsequently got their heads ripped off for being a bunch of shallow bitches). It didn’t leave me with any confidence about doing livestreams: if she was getting so much flack after years of building an online business, I’d better get the damn thing right.

I went out and bought several hundred dollars’ worth of makeup: foundation, concealer, highlighter, veil, setting powder, primer, eyeshadow, liner, blush, colour corrector, lipstick, brow pencils and lots of other things. I couldn’t remember what most of them were for (what on earth is a setting spray?) and I didn’t know how to use the rest.

Well, that’s not true, I do remember how to use the basics that we had in the 80’s – foundation, concealer, eyeshadow, liner, blush and lipstick – but the rest seem a bit over-the-top and unnecessary to me. Kind of like birthday cards: they’re a waste of money but you feel you ought to buy them. I’m sure there’s a better analogy, but I can’t think of one right now.

I think I tried to use the makeup once. At least, I used some of it once, maybe about a quarter of what was there. But I feel all gluggy and overdressed and kind of fake when I wear makeup. Most of the time, I spend my life dressed in either my gym kit or my jodhpurs. I’m aware that there are lots of women who wouldn’t be seen dead at the gym without a fully made-up, perfect-looking face accompanied by hair that looks as though they’ve come straight from the salon.

I’m not one of them.

For me, the sole purpose of going to the gym is to sweat the fat off, flatten my stomach, build up my glutes and get some muscle definition, as well as getting me tired enough to sleep at night. Don’t get me wrong, I love wearing gear that’s colourful and looks good, but I’m not interested in putting any effort into how I look when I go to the gym other than colour-co-ordinating my wardrobe.

So, I find myself about to go on my once-or-twice-a-year outing to a Big Event with zero makeup available to me.

I also have no jewellery because it’s all packed away for the house move.

I feel like I ought to make at least some effort with regards to makeup because tonight is a special occasion.

<groans, grabs bag and heads out to Mecca Maxima>

K xxx

PS Fortunately, I have two teenaged daughters, the makeup didn’t go to waste

PPS Gave myself a $200 budget and spent…

$199! Go me!