The lengths I go to to keep my husband alive and in one piece (and hence able to earn a decent crust for the family)…

While my husband is unconcernedly swinging on the end of a rope ten metres up in the air, having gracefully ascending a climbing wall, making the whole thing look ridiculously easy, I’m at the bottom of the wall on the other end of said rope, trying, with increasing desperation to lower him just as gracefully to the floor.

I wrestled with the descender with increasing desperation, but to no avail. Try though I might, the bloody thing wouldn’t release the rope in any kind of controlled, slow manner and John got more and more alarmed as he jerkily dropped three or four metres, pretty much in free descent, every ten seconds or so. After plummeting the final few metres so quickly that he couldn’t get his feet under him, he picked himself up off the floor and, swearing like a pirate, demanded to know what on earth I was playing at.

I kept telling him that while I was spending my valuable spare time trying to 1) keep him alive and 2) get him down from the wall, the rope had burned one hand and the descender had bruised the other. Unfortunately, you couldn’t see any marks at the time so I had no actual evidence to prove my point.

You can see the evidence now, though. Ouch.

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